One of the worst parts of this past cycle ending in another loss was the realization that I may never stop miscarrying and may never be able to carry and birth my own child. My current RE cemented these fears when he broached the topic of using a gestational carrier during our last meeting.
If you had asked me a year ago if I’d consider a GC, I would say no way, never. But now that it is becoming a very real possibility that I may not be able to carry our child, I have tried to open my mind and heart at least a little bit to the possibility. I’ve done some light research on the costs (Over $100,000!) and what is involved. I desperately hope I don’t have to utilize that option, but I am trying to remain appreciative that we can probably make it work if we really need it.
I have a friend who has children now after her own battle with infertility.She confided in me today that she used an egg donor to conceive her children, and encouraged me to keep my mind open to alternative options. It was comforting that someone understood where I was coming from, not just about the general pain of infertility, but also about the hard decisions we have to make and accepting the loss of building your family the conventional way.
As much as a nightmare as this process has been, the way in which some people have showed their care, support, and kindness has made a huge difference.