And more normal results…

On Saturday my RE at SIRM emailed me with the results of the immune testing. My natural killer cells are at 9%, which apparently is perfectly normal. My TH1/TH2 ratio is well balanced.

I knew this would happen. I am for the millionth time, back at square one. 2 years, 2 RE’s, 4 miscarriages, 6 medicated cycles, 1 IVF and 0 answers. I feel more discouraged than ever. I guess I thought at least if I had some crazy abnormal results from these tests, it would explain everything and I would have something to treat.

Now I have no idea what to do next. I was told if these tests did come back normal, we’d possibly try Neupogen. But what is the point? Its costly and who knows what the risks and side effects are. And odds are slim to none it is going to be the miracle cure. I have a new creeping fear that there is something wrong on a deeper level with my eggs/our embryos, and not even using a gestational carrier will get around that issue.

I have let the reality set in lately that I truly may never have children. Part of me has already mentally checked out of this process. I just don’t believe anything will ever work.


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