Struggling

I have really been struggling in the 6+ weeks since my FET ended in a chemical pregnancy.  Up until now, each loss was hard, but eventually I regained optimism. This has been different. The more time that goes by, the more it starts to sink in that there is a very good chance our reality is we will not be able to have children, ever.

I know now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, there are no guarantees. Even the things that are “supposed” to work, don’t. 1 in 8 people struggle with infertility. I am one of them. 1 in 100 people suffer recurrent pregnancy loss. I’m one of those *lucky* ones, too. IVF with PGS is supposed to reduce the risk of miscarriage to 5% or less. Yup, also on the wrong side of that statistic.  Why would I believe at this point that anything will work?

I don’t know why I plan to keep trying when I feel this way. I guess because when it’s all over I don’t want to regret having left any stone un-turned.

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