Today officially marked the start of our second FET cycle. After waiting to see if my insurance would authorize this cycle since my first cycle didn’t make it to transfer (it was a freeze-all for PGS), and getting the subsequent denial, we moved forward with baseline bloodwork and an ultrasound this morning.
Everything looked A-OK and the date is set. On October 6, we will transfer our remaining two embryos. (Yes, my husband finally agreed that was the best course of action. Small victory!) Beta is set for 11 days after the transfer which is going to be an agonizing wait, considering I have decided I will not take any tests at home this time. Last cycle I tested every day (twice a day) from 5dp5dt through 9dp5dt and it almost drove me to the looney bin. I am embarrassed to admit I actually carried the tests around with me, squinting at them in different lights trying to determine whether the line was getting darker. I simply can’t do that to myself again.
I wish I was excited about this. Instead, I just have a pit in my stomach. The thought of going through another chemical pregnancy is too much to take. I feel sick just thinking about waiting for the dreaded phone call on beta day. I feel like I am hovering over a line right now – Am I someone who just had very bad luck with a PGS normal embryo last time? Or is there something wrong with me that NO ONE can figure out and renders me doomed to continue to have loss after loss?
If this cycle ends in another loss, I will know I fall into the latter category, and that is a scary place to be. There are no hard and fast solutions for those in that category. In that category, your success hinges on a stroke of GOOD luck for once. I have had zero good luck in the past two years, so you do the math on that one.