BFN

I held out until this morning to test, and not to my surprise, it was stark white. I am 7dp5dt so I know very well it is an accurate result by this point.

I should be devastated, and I guess I kind of am, but I am mostly relieved it isn’t another chemical pregnancy. A lot of the sting was also taken away by the fact that I knew in my heart of hearts this would be the outcome. I have technically been pregnant 4 times, I know what it feels like by now, and I just wasn’t feeling it this time.

I am mostly overwhelmed about what’s next. We are out of embryos, so to cycle again is going to cost a lot of money. Originally we were planning on giving it one more go at our current clinic before moving on, but we discussed it again this morning and my husband is now on board with moving on to another practice. We are planning to see a well known Reproductive Immunologist in NYC. We sprung into action this morning, and have gotten the ball rolling to get set up as a patient with this new doctor. We are meeting with my current RE in 2 weeks to see if he would be willing to keep doing monitored IUI’s with us in the meantime so that we aren’t wasting time while we wait. We also need to discuss with him doing satellite monitoring at his practice.

Too much to think about right now. When I have a failed cycle I always tend to start moving a mile a minute making plans since being proactive is normally comforting for me. I may need to slow down and take some time to cry it out now, so that I don’t go crazy later. Whenever I react in an uncharacteristically calm way, my husband gets very skeptical and jokes “serenity now.”

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5 thoughts on “BFN

  1. So sorry 😦 I know there isn’t too much to say that would feel comforting right now… I just hope that you are able to find some sort of peace over the next few days. I can only imagine how tough this is.

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