Defeated

I have been feeling so defeated ever since our most recent FET failed and the reality hit that we have no embryos and no insurance coverage left. I know that we have been extremely fortunate to have the first ER and FET covered, but it still doesn’t change what lies ahead.

I’ve been feeling completely overwhelmed by how much money we are going to sink into building our family moving forward. Our top priority is to have a biological child, and for me to carry it if at all possible.  This means we are ready to give IVF another go (well actually a few more go’s), and if that all fails, surrogacy.

My knee-jerk reaction after our last FET was to get the patient registration process started with a reproductive immunologist. But once I received all the paperwork and saw just how staggering the costs are, it became clear that if we cycle a few times there and do not take a home a baby, there is no way we can then take on the financial burden of a surrogate. We would be talking about well over six figures, and those costs are life altering. It is a huge bitter pill to swallow.

I thought we had found a saving grace last week when I discovered a shared risk package offered by my current RE: for $19k you get 3 ER’s and 3 FET’s, plus 70% of your money back if you don’t take home a baby. That would have allowed us to try a few more times on our own, take some embryos to the RI after that, and then try a surrogate if all else failed. Unfortunately today I found out we did not qualify for the program, and there are no other packages offered by my RE. In fact, while they do offer tiered pricing based on income for self-pay patients, we only qualify for the highest pricing. We just can’t catch a break. I know we are fortunate that we do well and live comfortably, but what good does that do when the price of building your family is so astronomical?

I am going to put this all on the back burner for now and start an injectable IUI cycle just to stay busy while we figure out what’s next. Tomorrow is my baseline. I have pretty much zero hope it will work, but I will still hope and pray for a miracle.

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7 thoughts on “Defeated

  1. These costs we have to pay to have a family are ridiculous. No other way to put it! I hope this IUI brings your miracle even though Im sure its hard to keep the faith. We thought about doing a few IUI injectables too during IVF breaks.

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    • The cost truly is ridiculous! I keep telling my husband if treatments were free and all I had to do was find the strength to keep trying, I’d do 20 more IVF cycles! The stress of figuring out how to afford it is one of the worst parts. Thanks for your well wishes! xoxo.

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  2. I find the financial side of infertility almost more frustrating than the physical side of it. There is a very good chance that the reason we remain childless will end up being because of money and that seems ludicrous to me but it’s reality.

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  3. There are grants out there for fertility treatments. I think they are a lot of work (like this isn’t stressful enough) and sometimes require an application fee but you might want to research them just to see if there are any that you might qualify for.

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    • The thought of ending up with no take home baby due to finances kills me too. Thanks for the suggestion on grants! I so wish I qualified but unfortunately most are income based and we don’t qualify. Not cool! I am definitely going to keep looking though.

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  4. Its beyond frustrating! Insurance needs to step up and start covering more. What really infuriated me in my plan when I was combing through it, they cover abortions… I mean really? But yet, you can’t assist more with infertility. I guess having kids is a luxury?! Good luck on your IUI! Hope you have a smooth cycle!

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