I just got home from a meeting with my RE and it seems we are ready to go for IVF #2. The clinic is shut down until January, then once my new insurance kicks in January 1st, we will submit the cycle for authorization in hopes my IVF coverage will reset and be covered. The odds are slim, but we feel it is worth taking a few extra weeks to see if we can get it covered.
I’ve managed to avoid the evil Provera and my RE will let me take 10 days of Prometrium instead. I will start that once I get word whether my cycle has been authorized by my insurance next month. Then we’ll order meds and be off to the races.
I felt positive and optimistic coming out of the meeting. My husband asked my RE if it was time to consider a surrogate, and he said not yet, and that he didn’t think we were at a point where it was foolish for us to keep trying. I needed this burst of positive energy, as I have been feeling really down in the dumps lately.
I have met many women over the past 2+ years who have struggled with infertility, and lately it seems like I’m one of the last ones left with empty arms. Email groups and online forums that once felt like safe havens have recently felt like a very painful reminder of how everyone seems to have had success except for me. It carries a lot of complicated feelings for me because I am genuinely happy for fellow infertile women when they reach the “other side”. But it’s extra sad for me when even the women who have struggled too have come out successful, and I still haven’t. There are a dwindling number of women who can truly relate to me, those that have no children and have been doing this long enough to really wonder if they ever will be mothers.
I know that I need to stay in my lane and focus on my end goal, its just that the pain is a little sharper this time of year.