Delayed.

20130920-patience

My FET is officially delayed.  I have spent the last month on a combination of birth control + Lupron (pure hell, in my opinion), only for CD1 to arrive 3 days before my scheduled endometrial scratch.  I cannot do the scratch once a new cycle starts as its too late by that point, so now I have to start the entire thing over again.  Another 3 weeks of birth control, then add back in Satan’s juice – I’m sorry, I mean Lupron – and go in mid-April for the scratch, take two.

I am not devastated or anything by the delay itself because frankly I am in no rush to face what I assume will be another failed transfer.  However, I have really been suffering on this bcp/Lupron combination – It has made me so damn FAT and bloated. Not to mention depressed. Like, catatonic depressed.  I think I barely spoke last week, I mostly just cried.  And I usually handle side effects pretty well.

Anyway, now it’s looking like my transfer will be sometime in May, assuming there are no more roadblocks.  At the end of the day I am fine waiting longer and struggling some more with the meds if at least means I won’t blame myself for skipping the scratch or doing it at the wrong time if/when this next transfer fails.

Obviously I am in a very negative and pessimistic place right now, so maybe I’ll make use of this extra time by trying to regain a small shred of optimism.

 

PGS Results

I wasn’t expecting my PGS results until next week, but I received a call yesterday with the news.

I should preface this by saying that I am a numbers-oriented person, and so when my first IVF cycle resulted in 50% normal embryos, I assumed that would be a stable proportion for cycles to follow. By that logic, I was excited, as I expected somewhere around 9-10 of my embryos to be normal.

So, the results I got yesterday were a little shocking.  Out of 19 embryos biopsied, only 4 came back normal. How could this have happened?  I am only 29, I should have had more than 20% of my tested embryos come back normal.

Also unsettling was the news that 5 embryos had no diagnosis, or were inconclusive. When I started the IVF/PGS journey last year I was told it was very rare to get no diagnosis on your embryos. So how in the world did another 25% of this one batch come back inconclusive?

I have had a lot of mixed feelings about these results.  Last cycle I was thrilled to have 3 normals.  On the other hand, I never dreamed I would transfer them all without success. So, this time around I know that 4 may not be enough to get a baby.  It also makes me worried that there is a deeper problem with my eggs/embryos that will prevent them from ever producing a healthy pregnancy.

For now, the plan is to move forward with transferring 1 embryo next month.  We will save 2 of the 4 for a surrogate in case we get to that point. Before transferring the 4th embryo, we will probably do another retrieval and re-test the inconclusive embryos at that time in hopes of banking a few more. These plans could change, but it feels like the most conservative route at this time.  Of course my hope is that a miracle happens and next month I find out I am finally pregnant with my take-home baby, but my expectations are also fairly low after all that has happened in the past 2.5 years.

 

IVF # 2 Update and FET Plans

The past week has flown by as I’ve recovered from the retrieval and awaited next steps.

The day after the retrieval, we received an excellent fertilization report: Of the  27 eggs retrieved, 24 were mature, and 23 of those fertilized successfully with ICSI. Much better number and percentage than cycle 1! I am not sure whether it is because the egg quality was better, or just pure luck, but I am pleased with those results.

Within a week after the retrieval, we received more good news: 13 of our embryos made it to blast on day 5, and another 3 on day 6, for a total of 19 embryos biopsied for PGS and frozen! I couldn’t believe it. The results were so radically different from my first cycle, when only 6 embryos made it to blast, and most of those were day 6’s.

Now we have to cross the final hurdle (for this portion of the process), and wait for the PGS results. I am very scared that this is where I’ll lose all my embryos and find out that only one or two were normal.  I would be elated to have several normal embryos to work with because it would really take the pressure off to not have to do a retrieval again any time soon, or maybe never again.

Because we are doing Next Generation Sequencing, the results won’t come in as fast as the regular array CGH results did. I was told I would have the results by the 18th, so it could be another long 12 days!

In the meantime, I have started the beginning phase of the FET protocol. I am currently on birth control, and will start Lupron at the end of next week. Currently we are looking at a mid-April transfer.  (Assuming I have at least 1 to transfer!) I am not nearly as eager to get the transfer moving as I was for our first FET. Back then I thought it was just a matter of getting the embryo into me and poof, I’d be pregnant. But, unfortunately now I know better, and I know that my odds of having success next transfer aren’t great. All the more reason I am hoping I have many embryos to keep trying with!