Delayed.

20130920-patience

My FET is officially delayed.  I have spent the last month on a combination of birth control + Lupron (pure hell, in my opinion), only for CD1 to arrive 3 days before my scheduled endometrial scratch.  I cannot do the scratch once a new cycle starts as its too late by that point, so now I have to start the entire thing over again.  Another 3 weeks of birth control, then add back in Satan’s juice – I’m sorry, I mean Lupron – and go in mid-April for the scratch, take two.

I am not devastated or anything by the delay itself because frankly I am in no rush to face what I assume will be another failed transfer.  However, I have really been suffering on this bcp/Lupron combination – It has made me so damn FAT and bloated. Not to mention depressed. Like, catatonic depressed.  I think I barely spoke last week, I mostly just cried.  And I usually handle side effects pretty well.

Anyway, now it’s looking like my transfer will be sometime in May, assuming there are no more roadblocks.  At the end of the day I am fine waiting longer and struggling some more with the meds if at least means I won’t blame myself for skipping the scratch or doing it at the wrong time if/when this next transfer fails.

Obviously I am in a very negative and pessimistic place right now, so maybe I’ll make use of this extra time by trying to regain a small shred of optimism.

 

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