Well, my FET was officially a success (so far), as confirmed by bloodwork this past Thursday. At 9dp5dt, my beta came in at 233. This is by far the best beta I’ve ever had. In my previous 3 chemical pregnancies, I never really even got out of the teens for my first betas. For my blighted ovum, I was at 86 at 16dpo. I was thrilled for a few hours, but then anxiety set in. One strong beta didn’t mean much, I told myself. I started to get a horrible gut feeling that the number would drop for the second blood draw and that would be that.
I got my second blood draw Saturday morning and was a wreck all day waiting for the results. I sat at my kitchen table for hours, staring at my phone, not even able to move. Finally, by late afternoon I got the call that my numbers at 11dp5dt had increased to 599 – Just about a 36 hour doubling time, which is great.
Since getting that news yesterday I’ve started to feel a little more confident, but I am still terrified. I believe the odds of this working out are pretty good, but after three years of falling on the wrong side of the statistics (recurrent losses…a loss with a PGS normal embryo…etc.), I am conditioned to believe that I will always be that one in a million who gets a bad hand.
I have felt so much more anxiety in the past few days than I ever thought I would. I always believed the past three years that once I got great looking betas I would just “know” it was a good pregnancy and could relax. That is not the case at all. I am terrified that I am going to end up blindsided and something bad will happen. After everything I have been through in this journey, it feels impossible to believe that all of a sudden I woke up one day, my transfer was successful, and I am really truly finally pregnant.
I have one more beta scheduled for next Friday, 5 days away. It is going to be a really tough week but I think the best I can do is keep myself preoccupied and just try the best I can to relax. These 5 days are going to pass no matter what, so I might as well not torture myself in the meantime.