Among the “normal” patient population now…

Today was my first OB appointment at 9w4d.  We got a bonus ultrasound despite having just had one 4 days ago.  Still measuring right on time with a strong heartbeat, and it was unbelievable how much different he/she looked today versus just 4 days ago! Very baby-shaped. And wiggling all around.

I was officially released from my RE last week, so now I am just a normal pregnant patient, according to my OB.  The appointment went ok.  I think, if this continues to progress, I’ll have to get accustomed to the different level of attention you get with an OB vs. RE.  Once you are with an OB it seems they aren’t particularly concerned with keeping a close eye on you, you just get a scan once in a while. Very scary for me. Fortunately my OB understands my anxiety and agreed to do doppler checks or scans as much as I needed. I took her up on that and scheduled one for August 9, just shy of 12 w.

For now, we are dealing with two main issues: One, should we do the first trimester risk assessment bloodwork/NT scan, since we already know from PGS testing that our baby is chromsomally normal?  And two, are we sure we want to deliver at the hospital my OB delivers at?

On the risk assessment front, it is my understanding that the accuracy of PGS is actually slightly higher than the accuracy of the screening.  So in that sense it seems pointless to do the screening. However, it would be nice to get a detailed ultrasound to show us as much as possible that things are still developing normally.  So I am leaning towards doing the NT scan but not the blood work. My OB is putting me in touch with a genetic counselor at the hospital to further discuss.

On the hospital front: My OB delivers at a hospital in an urban area and the facilities aren’t as nice as other newer maternity wards in the state. I’ve also heard a few horror stories about having to possibly share a room after delivery.  However, the hospital has the highest level NICU in our area. Infertility and RPL has taught me to prepare for the worst, thus making a NICU a requirement in my book.

To the few people out there reading this 🙂  – How did you select the hospital you delivered at?  Am I putting too much weight in the NICU issue?

7w2d

I have opened my computer multiple times over the past few weeks to write an update, but couldn’t bring myself to do it.  All I can think about is how much it would hurt to go back and read pregnancy update posts if I lose the pregnancy.

If I keep letting that fear control me, I’ll never write new posts and regardless of how this goes, I know I would regret not documenting any of this time in my life.

My 3rd beta at 5w1d rose to 6460, with a doubling time of I think around 42 hours.  Again, another milestone! My first ultrasound was scheduled for 6 days after that, on June 30 at 6w exactly. I was petrified.  I had multiple panic attacks. I convinced myself wholeheartedly that my pregnancy was ectopic (despite having no signs of this, aside from what are probably normal feelings in the uterus!)

At 6 weeks exactly we saw, for the first time in 3 years, a heartbeat – beating away at 110bpm. (I will never forget any of these numbers!) I was in shock.  For 3 years I have pictured the moment I would first see a heartbeat and in the moment, it was so incredibly surreal.  In my fantasies my husband and I would sob beautiful tears of joy and our doctor might even show a little emotion, but of course that’s not what happened. Our doctor was thrilled, but I was so surprised I just laid there like a mute idiot.

I was on a high the few days after that ultrasound, and then panic set in again.  This is when I truly realized the roller coaster I was in for. The post-beta/ultrasound high followed by the return of pure anxiety.  By the time our second ultrasound came around a week later at 7 weeks, I was once again convinced this was over. This time it was 2 days without nausea that made me sure.

I hopped back on the exam table for that scan just two days ago, and miraculously we saw a completely appropriately sized embryo with another wonderful heartbeat right around 150 bpm.  My doctor patted me on the knee and said “Looks perfect!” Again I was a little stunned. In the realm of fertility/pregnancy, I am not accustomed to getting good news, much less hearing the word “perfect.”

At this point my doctor estimated our odds of a loss are less than 5%,but just typing those words makes me anxious as I know from experience this can be a wild ride and anything can happen.  For now I am going to take it day by day and still try and enjoy the good news we have gotten so far. I decided to let my guard down a little and indulge in a trip to Babies R Us to look at some of the baby stuff I’ve tried my hardest to ignore over the past few years. I am nowhere close to ready to buy anything, but it was a great experience to feel good enough to touch a onesie and coo over it like a normal person rather than flee the store in tears.

My next ultrasound is Thursday of next week at 8 weeks exactly and all I can do is hope and pray things continue to look ok.  If they do, my first OB appointment will be right around 9.5 weeks.