I’ve made it into the second trimester! Today I am 15 weeks 2 days. However, I have noticed as I have transitioned from 1st to second trimester, I have also taken on a whole new list of fears and worries.
Through the first trimester, I was worried about early miscarriage, or abnormal results from the first tri screening tests. Now that I have solidly heard my baby’s heartbeat every week, I have put that fear aside and moved on to fears about pre-term labor, amniotic fluid issues, incompetent cervix.. The list goes on.
Last Sunday I was convinced I was leaking fluid. Commence 48 hours of obsessive googling. Then when I realized things all seemed normal, I moved on to obsessing over whether my cervix will hold up for 25 more weeks. I had an ultrasound a few days ago and asked the tech to measure my cervix. It measured somewhere in the 3’s and she looked at me like I was crazy for even asking if that was normal. Fast forward 2 days, I decide to no longer take her word for it that my measurement was fine, and start more obsessive googling. Finding that most people have longer cervixes at this time, I begin panicking that mine will give out.
This is just a small taste of the mounting fear and anxiety I have been experiencing lately. My mother and husband staged an intervention of sorts and insisted I commit to minimizing my worry and trying to enjoy my pregnancy. (If it were as easy as just deciding to enjoy and not worry, I would have done that 3 months ago). I keep hearing people say that they were finally able to breathe once the 1st tri was over, but I have found myself only increasingly petrified. And I’m sure the terror of my anatomy scan will set in as that gets closer.
I have not been to see my therapist in several weeks, and have decided its time to start attending therapy regularly again. I am hoping she can help me figure out some better coping methods for my anxiety. I am starting to feel like I am the only person in the world who can’t just relax and enjoy this. It has emotionally been so difficult, as not only do I struggle with the anxiety, but also the overwhelming sadness of realizing that I can’t just enjoy and feel happy about this goal I have worked so hard to achieve.