New trimester, new fears

I’ve made it into the second trimester! Today I am 15 weeks 2 days.  However, I have noticed as I have transitioned from 1st to second trimester, I have also taken on a whole new list of fears and worries.

Through the first trimester, I was worried about early miscarriage, or abnormal results from the first tri screening tests. Now that I have solidly heard my baby’s heartbeat every week, I have put that fear aside and moved on to fears about pre-term labor, amniotic fluid issues, incompetent cervix.. The list goes on.

Last Sunday I was convinced I was leaking fluid. Commence 48 hours of obsessive googling.  Then when I realized things all seemed normal, I moved on to obsessing over whether my cervix will hold up for 25 more weeks.  I had an ultrasound a few days ago and asked the tech to measure my cervix. It measured somewhere in the 3’s and she looked at me like I was crazy for even asking if that was normal.  Fast forward 2 days, I decide to no longer take her word for it that my measurement was fine, and start more obsessive googling.  Finding that most people have longer cervixes at this time, I begin panicking that mine will give out.

This is just a small taste of the mounting fear and anxiety I have been experiencing lately.  My mother and husband staged an intervention of sorts and insisted I commit to minimizing my worry and trying to enjoy my pregnancy.  (If it were as easy as just deciding to enjoy and not worry, I would have done that 3 months ago).  I keep hearing people say that they were finally able to breathe once the 1st tri was over, but I have found myself only increasingly petrified.  And I’m sure the terror of my anatomy scan will set in as that gets closer.

I have not been to see my therapist in several weeks, and have decided its time to start attending therapy regularly again. I am hoping she can help me figure out some better coping methods for my anxiety. I am starting to feel like I am the only person in the world who can’t just relax and enjoy this. It has emotionally been so difficult, as not only do I struggle with the anxiety, but also the overwhelming sadness of realizing that I can’t just enjoy and feel happy about this goal I have worked so hard to achieve.

 

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “New trimester, new fears

  1. Mine has been in the 3’s the whole time and I am 28 weeks with no issues. 2nd trimester issues are usually more obvious and less common than 1st trimester ones. I found my anxiety shot up in the second as well a little as 1st trimester issues (I felt) were unpredictable and not my fault. Somehow I feel 2nd trimester ones would be my fault because I didn’t pick up on the warning signs. Don’t google :-p it is hard but I stopped doing it as it was driving me nuts.

    Do you have an OB or midwife you absolutely trust? My OB is the best and I also see the midwife and between them, they have kept me sane and now when they say things are normal I believe them!!

    Then I hit 3rd trimester and now I freak out over preterm labour and his movements…then again, when he is 16 I will freak about him driving…so I guess it is finding a way to manage it so I can still function.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Im so sorry. I know the feeling of these fears out of the first tri. I too, thought Id be less worrisome after but i havent been. I actually have gone to the ER for both my fluid (thought i was leaking) and for my cervix (thought it was shortening). Both times I was fine. U may be able to request cervix check ultrasounds for peace of mind-I did. I went every 2 weeks from 14-24 weeks, as that is the time it can shorten and be most dangerous. Mine always stayed above 3 as yours is now. Just a suggestion to help your anxiety. Thinking of u!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are so not alone! I expected to feel more relaxed in second tri too, but had those same worries you’ve described. I also thought I was leaking fluid, and I also requested a cervix check. All fine.
    For me, after 24 weeks, I did start gradually feeling more relaxed as the days went by. At 27w3d, I still feel worried at times. But it reassures me that if for some reason my body does fail this baby, there is a good chance she will survive if she comes early.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I was exactly the same, thinking I’d worry less as the pregnancy went on, but I just worried about different things. I had bleeding at 6,10 and 12 weeks, then a short cervix at 23 weeks. But I took it easy and my cervix lengthened again and I had my baby induced at 38 weeks. My best advice would be to see your doctor regularly and if anything doesn’t feel right, get it checked out. I was in and out of hospital so many times, but it’s always better to put your mind at rest xx

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s