Ending the last few weeks on an eventful note

Just when I was getting ready to spend the last few weeks of my pregnancy doing the “normal” things like nesting and getting everything in order, my body reminds me it has other plans.

Last Thursday night my husband was out to dinner with colleagues, so I settled in for an evening relaxing on the couch.  Out of nowhere, I felt the strangest pain in my back.  It wasn’t excruciating, but certainly noticeable. I wrote it off as muscle pain, considering I’d been having a lot of muscle pain in my back lately. I changed positions a few times, hoping it would go away, but it didn’t.

It got a little worse, so I decided to go to bed for the night in an attempt to sleep it off. But it kept escalating, so I couldn’t fall asleep. By the time my husband got home, I was crying from the pain. He too thought it was muscle pain and suggested a hot shower. The pain was localized in just the spot that made me start to think it might be kidney pain. In tears, I called the on-call number for my OB.  The midwife asked me to describe the location, then suggested I go down to labor & delivery to get it checked out.

Five hours and a whole lot of pain later, an ultrasound of my kidneys revealed kidney stones. I was admitted for the night and hooked up to IV fluids in an attempt to flush the stones out.

Thirty six hours later it had become clear my body was not going to pass the stone on its own.  It was Saturday morning by this point, and I had been in the hospital since Thursday night.  It was strongly suggested I allow a ureteral stent to be placed.  I begrudgingly agreed. I was not happy about being sedated while pregnant, but by this point I had spent almost two days in excruciating pain that even the painkillers barely touched.

The procedure was quick and my baby was monitored the whole time until s/he perked back up after the sedation wore off. I woke up to instant relief from the kidney pain. I was finally discharged the following morning from the hospital after regular monitoring of the baby through the remainder of the night to ensure its well being.

All the nurses assured me that labor would be a walk in the park after my kidney stone experience, but I’ll never know how true that is, considering baby will arrive via scheduled c-section.

I’m home and trying to recoup now, though this stent comes with its own set of pain and discomfort – Not exactly a welcome addition on top of the aches, pains and edema I’ve been dealing with. But, I can’t complain. For three years I said I would undergo absolutely anything to bring my baby into this world, and its clear the universe is holding my feet to the fire on that one. I would gladly do it a million times over if it means this baby will arrive healthy and safe in a few weeks.

33 weeks

My anxiety has unfortunately not improved in the past few weeks.  While I feel like I am getting so much closer to the finish line, I also continue to panic that something could go wrong at any moment.  Baby’s movement continues to be a source of anxiety for me as well. I also made the mistake of spending too much time on Google reading up on breech babies (why are they breech, risks of remaining breech etc.), and let’s just say I shouldn’t have done that.

If/when hopefully baby arrives safely I am sure I will miss being pregnant, but at this point I just want to it to be over. The weight gain and being physically uncomfortable does suck, but it’s more the mental torment that is making me question whether I could handle another pregnancy in the future. I have not felt fully emotionally stable or healthy since before I was pregnant. That’s a long time to feel so much stress!

Last week I had my 32 week growth scan, at which time baby was still breech – Frank breech position to be exact. (Explains why I’ve been feeling big pokes on the right side, it’s baby’s foot).  My OB’s office started the paperwork for my c-section, which is scheduled for February 22. I will be 39 weeks + 6 days.  Of course, I have a whole other set of worries here. That’s pretty much 40 weeks – what if I go into labor before then? Again I’ve read way too many scary things about going into labor with a breech baby.I feel a little bit like a ticking time bomb, though maybe that’s just me being overreactive with my anxiety.

To a much much lesser extent, I am still a bit disappointed about not being able to labor naturally. People keep saying there is plenty of time for the baby to turn head-down, but I’m starting to feel skeptical. The further along I get with a baby that is still breech, the less likely I know it is that he/she will turn.  Ultimately all that matters is a baby that arrives healthy and safe, but in a perfect world I would have gotten to have a normal birth experience.

At this point I am trying to make preparations as I feel up to it. It’s hard some days to pick up a baby book or buy things for the baby when I lack the confidence that everything will turn out ok ,but I am doing the best I can.  When I first told my family I was pregnant, I asked them not to plan a baby shower as I knew I wouldn’t be comfortable having one, and at this point I’m very glad that I had that foresight.  Going to a big celebration centered around my pregnancy/baby would have been way too much for me at this point, mentally.