The results are in!

My RE called this morning and my EFT results are in…

Normal!

With all the other RPL testing I have had done, a normal result for each has been upsetting to me.  Normal results have meant no explanation for my losses, and nothing I can fix.  But for this test, I am relieved it came back normal.  I did not want to have to make the decision to do 3 months of Depot Lupron when I didn’t even 100% buy into this test to begin with.  But now that it’s been determined normal, I can check the box on this and move on without any regrets or what if’s.

My next step is to meet with my RE at SIRM next week.  He will review the EFT results in detail (apparently there were a few notes in there about the development of my lining), as well as any potential immune treatments for my next FET.

Then, I finally get to stop Lupron! All around, good news today.

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Still waiting…

My EFT results are supposed to be in by 8/31, which means I was expecting a call either today or Monday.  Well, today is half over and still no call.

I am going crazy over here.  I just want to get the results so I can figure out for sure what I’m doing next. I’ve discussed it extensively with my husband and we still aren’t sure what we’re going to do if the test does come back abnormal. Considering the treatment would be 3 months of depot Lupron, plus this test doesn’t have a whole lot of clinical data backing it up, I’m not super eager to do the treatment if it is abnormal.  But on the other hand, if I were to skip the treatment, I don’t want to always wonder what would have happened if I’d just done the treatment.

Based on the million other tests I’ve had, odds are this one will come back normal, too. But something in my gut tells me its going to be abnormal. That would just be my luck, that the one abnormal test result I get is something so unproven and unknown.

Endometrial Biopsy, Part II.

Last Thursday I went in for my second endometrial biopsy to finish off the mock cycle for the Yale EFT. What a disaster the whole thing was.

Somehow the biopsy was more painful than the previous week. Not only that, my RE had trouble getting a sample, so had to go in twice for it. After all that, he admitted he wasn’t sure he got enough tissue for them to complete the test. We ended up opting to pay an extra $50 for Yale to confirm the amount of tissue was adequate before going forward with the $600 test.

I asked my RE why there wasn’t enough tissue and he guessed that maybe the lining didn’t develop properly. Well, that sucks. I have to use this same exact protocol for my actual transfer cycle so I really can’t afford to have a lining that doesn’t develop properly. I did also consult with my RE at SIRM on this, and he thinks it is more likely that the biopsy 9 days prior took most of the tissue so there just wasn’t a whole lot left. That did make me feel a little bit better.

I am supposed to have the results by the end of the month.  That is assuming they have enough to test. If not, we have to make the decision whether to do the whole thing over again. Which would mean there is probably no way we’re transferring again by the end of the year. I chose to be optimistic that there WAS enough tissue to test, and made an appointment with my SIRM RE for early September to discuss immune treatment for my FET.

Endometrial biopsy: A special kind of torture; and other fun stuff

Yesterday I had my first of two endometrial biopsies for the Yale EFT. Um…Ouch. I was told it would be similar to a colposcopy. Yeah, no. This was way worse.  To top it off, now I know how bad it is, and I have to do it again next week. My RE said if the test comes back abnormal, we would do a third biopsy after treatment to ensure it worked. Lovely. Fortunately, odds are I won’t have to worry about that considering it will most likely come back normal, just like every. single. test. I have had run so far.

My husband is in a big rush to jump into another transfer so yesterday my RE agreed I would begin Lupron immediately after my 2nd biopsy next week to start off another FET cycle. We are looking at roughly an early October transfer. My husband actually calculated what month we would be due with an October transfer, but I know better by now. There will be no due date. This whole thing is an exercise in futility.

Yet I am still going to try. And giving it my all.  I spoke with a genetic counselor today at the company that did our PGS testing. They have a brand new test that assesses the mitochondrial DNA of your embryo. You know how when PGS fails and sometimes the doctor says it could still be an issue with the embryo at the mitochondrial level? This test is supposed to work around that. From their website:

By helping to reveal the embryos with the greatest probability of forming a successful pregnancy, MitoGrade™ is predicted to provide a further improvement in implantation rates, above and beyond that achieved using PGS alone.

I’m waiting on a quote for the costs, then I’ll discuss it with my RE to see if it is even worth doing on the biopsied cells from our remaining 2 embryos. It is supposed to help with implantation failure, which technically I guess chemical pregnancies are not considered. (Though I am not sure I fully believe this). I also plan to reach out to the RE at SIRM I have been working with to get his thoughts as well.

Struggling

I have really been struggling in the 6+ weeks since my FET ended in a chemical pregnancy.  Up until now, each loss was hard, but eventually I regained optimism. This has been different. The more time that goes by, the more it starts to sink in that there is a very good chance our reality is we will not be able to have children, ever.

I know now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, there are no guarantees. Even the things that are “supposed” to work, don’t. 1 in 8 people struggle with infertility. I am one of them. 1 in 100 people suffer recurrent pregnancy loss. I’m one of those *lucky* ones, too. IVF with PGS is supposed to reduce the risk of miscarriage to 5% or less. Yup, also on the wrong side of that statistic.  Why would I believe at this point that anything will work?

I don’t know why I plan to keep trying when I feel this way. I guess because when it’s all over I don’t want to regret having left any stone un-turned.

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And more normal results…

On Saturday my RE at SIRM emailed me with the results of the immune testing. My natural killer cells are at 9%, which apparently is perfectly normal. My TH1/TH2 ratio is well balanced.

I knew this would happen. I am for the millionth time, back at square one. 2 years, 2 RE’s, 4 miscarriages, 6 medicated cycles, 1 IVF and 0 answers. I feel more discouraged than ever. I guess I thought at least if I had some crazy abnormal results from these tests, it would explain everything and I would have something to treat.

Now I have no idea what to do next. I was told if these tests did come back normal, we’d possibly try Neupogen. But what is the point? Its costly and who knows what the risks and side effects are. And odds are slim to none it is going to be the miracle cure. I have a new creeping fear that there is something wrong on a deeper level with my eggs/our embryos, and not even using a gestational carrier will get around that issue.

I have let the reality set in lately that I truly may never have children. Part of me has already mentally checked out of this process. I just don’t believe anything will ever work.

Still no answers

Yesterday was my hysteroscopy, and just like the rest of my RPL testing, it was perfectly normal. Nary a polyp in sight.

I know logically that finding some surprise ginormous septum wouldn’t have been good. It just would have been an additional complicating factor. But I am so desperate for some explanation as to why I have had 4 miscarriages in 15 months’ time. According to all the testing I have had done (which is quite a bit), I am one healthy individual. I guess you can be healthy and still be an embryo serial killer. Who knew.

I spoke with my current RE later in the day and he had made a point of touching base with the creator of the EFT test which I am having done with this mock cycle coming up. It was suggested that we do a series of two endometrial biopsies during the cycle (fun!) in order to yield the best results. Twice the money, twice the pain. I really hope I don’t end up out $1200 for MORE non-answers. My husband is skeptical but leaving the decision up to me to go forward with the testing. Part of me will feel like a fool if it yields no answers but at least I won’t have any regrets or second thoughts about not having done it.

The bloodwork I am having done next week is pretty much my last chance to get any answers. Something though tells me I will have the most perfectly normal level of natural killer cells and T helper cells.

Tonight starts Lupron and so ends my one month break from injections. I’m back on the horse!

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