Update

Who knew, the days get away from you quickly when you have a baby and it doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for blogging!

My daughter is now just shy of 4 months old. I love her beyond measure, more than I thought possible… All those cliche things that new Moms say, but are so true. I have had a blast at home with her, and returning to work recently was tough, though fortunately only part-time.

It’s unbelievable how much a baby changes after the first 1-2 months. Once she hit 3 months, she started doing all kinds of new fun things. It’s almost hard to believe that just a few short months ago she was sleeping 90% of the time and had no ability to interact.

I am thoroughly enjoying her smiles, cooing, increased attempts to babble, and most especially, watching her discover the world around her. (Our dog has become fascinating to her recently!) I dream frequently about her future: What kind of child, teenager, and adult will she be? What will she enjoy? What will she be afraid of? As I’m sure we all do, I hope beyond all hope that she wakes up happy and fulfilled every day.

What I was not prepared for was the constant worry! My worries of miscarriage are now replaced by worries about my child. Is she developing properly? Am I a good enough Mom? And so on.

In the first 2 monts post-partum, the anxiety was the worst and I do wonder if this can be attributed to some from of PPD/PPA. It has improved over the past few weeks, almost as if I am coming out of a fog. More than anything I just want to enjoy each second with my child, and she deserves better than a nail-biting worrying obsessive Mom. I tell myself each and every day that I am going to do better, for her. And little by little, I am.

I’m not sure how much I will continue to update this blog, as I started it to document the pain and struggle of infertility, partially with the hope that others would find it and not feel so alone. Now that I have overcome that, it no longer seems appropriate to broadcast my happiness when others still struggle.

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